an ocean heart

Three in the morning and I’m on my own
Breeze still carries the sound of rain inside,
through the window
It has been so long since I last heard rain,
let alone felt its touch
Its sound is like the sound of a lover
after months and months of longing
The rain is my lover
Yet nothing is enough to lure me out
Nothing can break these walls of mine
They keep the darkness, the daylight out
I don’t need to go walking in your landscape
Every tree, every rock, every field
Every fallen leaf, every drop of rain
Every shade in the sky
Reminds me of you
You have become everything I love
Now I can no longer behold the things I love
Everything outside reminds me
of how you are not mine
You are as unreachable as the skies
and as callous as the greatest of rocks
I sway in your wind like a tall pine tree
You are as violent as the storm
And now I even hear you in the rain
The rain is my lover
And you are not

You are mostly gone, somewhere else
In a wilderness of acts without thoughts
and memories free of me
In the centre of the city
In a life I don’t belong in
Waiting for someone else
A change of course
Further away from me
So this is life, losing a thing after a thing
My course remains
I’m falling out the heights after a brief, frail bliss
Hiding blue beneath the depths of happiness
You see, it was there all along
All I’ve endured, I will keep within me
Secrets I have sewn under my skin
And while no scars are left to prove my pain
It’s always there
The hiding blue
The creeping black
The haunting translucent
All my demons following in my steps