There used to be a time when I could dream so vividly that everything,
the whole world around me would fade away and my dreams would become my
world, my reality. And it could be anywhere, in a loud class room, in a
bus, in the woods, in my bed at night, just anywhere. The surroundings
had no meaning, everything could be so easily replaced with whatever I
wanted. And I remember that bus trips (or any long trip with any vehicle)
were the best, the way listening to a song made my mind wander was
extraordinary, how merely a single song could bring alive so many
stories. I would listen to music and see stories come alive before my
eyes. I can’t dream vividly anymore — oh, it’s even worse I can’t dream
at all anymore. I don’t dream anymore. I miss it more than I can ever
describe. And it feels so stupid to miss something so peculiar that I
don’t even know how it was possible in the first place. It feels so far
away, dreaming feels like well, only a dream.
I’m not a dreamer anymore.
This just makes me so sad. I mean, c'est la vie, I suppose... but that hardly detracts from its sadness.
ReplyDeleteWe never realize what gifts these things are till they fade. *sigh*
But I think you are still a dreamer. Even if you don't feel like it now. <3
Oh dear, don't be sad. I'm not sad. It's been so long already and I've gotten used to it. It's okay. And perhaps I am still a dreamer. Perhaps being a dreamer is not all about endless dreaming, there could be more to it. I certainly don't feel that much of a dreamer anymore but I suppose I'll always be a dreamer in some way. And who knows, maybe someday this gift returns. You never really know. ♥
ReplyDeleteIt happened to me, too. "I would listen to music and see stories come alive before my eyes." Oh, my goodness. My brightest years were when I was 12-14 years old. My life was vibrant, full of energy and inspiration. Everywhere I went, I found joy and magic. Those were such beautiful times.
ReplyDeleteLuckily, I am still a dreamer, and I think you can be, too. There is more to it than just dreaming. It's a way of looking at the world.
Oh yes, somehow those years were the best, at least regarding this gift. Strange how everything changes as time passes. No matter how much you try to keep things the same, they always change. I only wish I would have my brightest years now that I need them most and now that I would appreciate them more. When I was younger I was well, lost and I feel like I wasted all of those years that had so much potential in them but I didn't quite know it back then. Ah, but it is far in the past now. I shall not yearn for what is already gone.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm glad you think so. Ah yes, it is indeed a way of looking at the world. I suppose I am a dreamer still. And I wish I find some way to dream again. I think there must be some way.
Oh, I just can't help but be a little sad when I think of those joyous things of our past that have passed away. It's just one of the things that makes me most pensive. I suppose the fact I hate change has something to do with it...
ReplyDeleteMaybe it will return when you are a very old lady; you can live out the rest of your earthly life in a halcyon haze. :)
I agree with Thea, being a dreamer is a way of looking at the world. It can't be denied, my dear, that you have a dreamer's way about you! <3